Therapy as Alchemy

  It comes more naturally to me to write from feeling pure sadness, confusion and all those twisted uncomfortable emotions. They just make sense, my inner parts find them familiar. Natural means familiar. Simple concept. But today was about something else. I think it's joy and fulfillment. Some call it being in alignment. Translating this here is definitely tricky. What I know is that if I listened to my mind I would have never led a group in my life. Because of so many reasons. And not even very complex ones, mostly fear of being seen, need of validation, fear of judgment. The usual mess that our minds so effectively deliver. To keep us safe. Thank you mind. What's next? But there was a time that I worked in groups while I studied psychodrama. Through all of the discomfort of an introverted person I could feel there was something precious there. A type of energy only groups could create. A force of nature. Beyond any logic or explanation. It held you and transformed you. Group...

"It came to me in a dream." A regular statement in my life. "This just feels right." Shows up even more often. I get so much guidance lately. A while ago, I committed to listening. Lean into life. Relax into the Self. Obey the Truth. A form of surrender. It's so bumpy for the mind. Sometimes I feel it scream, objecting so strongly, with all the old reasons. Sometimes I feel parts of me want to cry while witnessing the things I decide to follow. They squeeze my eyes and press my chest. Yet the body doesn't obey so easily anymore. He is also learning to trust. Shedding old identities while nurturing my inner parts feels like a dance. The best performance I ever gave.

It's still hard for me to stay in the in between. Where I feel that nothing happens. Yet nothing stands still at all. If I tune in I sense the shifting and movement that never stops. The guidance, the pull, the knowing. Yet parts of me want to see the cake on the platter. And eat it too. No baking needed. No time to spare. No energy to waste. What if we run out? Of everything. The mindset of scarcity creeps in so easily in the in between. That old voice that's so familiar yet just doesn't feel right. We have one that's older. The clear, strong one. Now I have this dance of tunning in again and again. And the pull is getting stronger and stronger.

       Parents are just people with imperfect childhoods.     I’ve seen parents being dissected in therapy so many times. We try to understand the roots of our own unhealthy behavior so we return to the environment that shaped us. We usually find there 2 people who did a lot of mistakes through their behavior or their absence. While this is an important step in the healing journey, I think there are many benefits in seeing parents as they truly are: imperfect people.     While looking at trauma is natural to explore the nature and source of that said trauma. Often, it’s the parents. Their lack of love, nurture, care and even abuse. Yet this goes further back, it stems from their own history.   Not being able to see this brings us a lot of suffering, anger, guilt.    It’s such a huge relief to understand that they do have a history that shaped them. It’s that understanding that releases a lot of guilt that any child carries o...